Some of our favorite quotes here at National Bartenders School:

Some of our favorite quotes:



You should hope and work, but never hope more than you work.     



Talk is cheap, because supply exceeds demand.



You can observe an awful lot of things just by watching.   (Yogi Berra)



If everything’s under control, you’re going too slow.    (Mario Andretti)



Always do right.  This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest.    (Mark Twain)



Telling people is not the same as teaching them.    (John Alston)



If you’re not learning while you’re teaching, you’re not teaching.    (Frank McCourt)



A teacher is one who makes himself progressively unnecessary.    (Thomas Carruthers)



You can get by on charm for about 15 minutes.  After that you’d better know something.



Sometimes I think that I understand everything.  Then I regain consciousness.



If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.



Not one shred of available evidence supports the notion that life is serious.



Never miss a good chance to shut up.    (Will Rogers)



Learn from the mistakes of others.  You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.



Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don’t have the film.



Education should include the knowledge of what to do with it.



Experience is that marvelous thing which enables you to recognize a mistake once you’ve made it again.



Who says that nothing is impossible?  Some people do it every day.



If you’re drinking to forget, then pay when you begin.



Bartenders are the poor mans psychiatrist.



Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers.



Too many freaks, not enough circuses.



Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.



One of the hardest things in bartending is differentiating between the very drunk and the simply stupid.



Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don't drink too much.  Then again, don't drink too little.  ~   Herman "Jackrabbit" Smith-Johannsen



Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk.  That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.  ~  Ernest Hemingway


I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.  ~  John Marcellus Huston



If drinking is interfering with your work, you're probably a heavy drinker.  If work is interfering with your drinking, you're probably an alcoholic.  ~Anonymous



If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim.    H. Jackson Brown, Jr.


I feel sorry for people who don't drink.  When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.  ~Frank Sinatra



Remember:  "I" before "E," except in Budweiser.  ~Anonymous


Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink.  ~Anonymous



A man ought not never to get drunk above the neck.  ~Anonymous



A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.  ~W.C. Fields



I'm going to be around until the Atomic Energy Commission finds a safe place to bury my liver.  ~Phil Harris


I drink only to make my friends seem interesting.  ~Don Marquis


When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.  ~Henny Youngman


My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses.  Drinks right out of the bottle.  ~Henny Youngman


If you drink, don't drive.  Don't even putt.  ~Dean Martin



One martini is all right.  Two are too many, and three are not enough.  ~James Thurber



New!  Improved!  Instant asshole... just add alcohol!  ~Anonymous



If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.  ~P.J. O'Rourke



Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.  ~Benjamin Franklin



Never cry over spilt milk.  It could've been whiskey.  ~"Pappy" Maverick, in Maverick



Work is the curse of the drinking class.  ~ Oscar Wilde



The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. ~ Humphrey Bogart



You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.  ~ Dean Martin



Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.  ~ Albert Einstein

He who laughs last, hasn’t passed out yet.  ~ Anonymous



Reality is an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.  ~ Anonymous



Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that.  It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet regularly at the bar.  ~ Drew Carey



One can drink too much, but one never drinks enough.  ~ Edward Burke



The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.  ~ William Butler Yeats



He that drinks fast, pays slow.  ~ Benjamin Franklin



Do not allow children to mix drinks.  It is unseemly, and they use too much vermouth.  ~ Steve Allen



I’d rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.  ~ Tom Waits



I know that the truth is somewhere between the 1st and 40th drink.  ~ Tori Amos



Meet me down at the bar.  We’ll drink breakfast together.  ~ W.C. Fields



What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?  ~ W.C. Fields



Whenever someone asks me if I want water in my Scotch, I tell them “I’m thirsty, not dirty.”  ~ Joe Lewis



You can’t drown yourself in drink.  I’ve tried that, you float.  ~ John Barrymore



If your doctor warns you to watch your drinking, find a bar with a mirror.  ~ John Moony



Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded.  Trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or fourteenth.  ~ George Burns



I hate to advocate alcohol, drugs, sex or violence to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.  ~ Hunter Thompson



There’s absolutely nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation.  ~ John Ciandi



I’ve stopped drinking, but only while I’m asleep.  ~ George Best



I make it a rule never to drink while I’m sleeping.  ~ Mark Twain



The difference between a drunk and an alcoholic is that the drunk doesn’t have to attend all those meetings.  ~ Arthur Lewis



An alcoholic is someone you don’t like, who drinks as much as you do.  ~ Dylan Thomas



Perhaps I drink too much.  The last time I gave a urine sample, it had an olive in it.  ~ Rodney Dangerfield



Whiskey is, by far, the most popular of all remedies that will not cure a cold.  ~ Jerry Vale



I realize that I’m drinking myself to a slow death but, then again, I’m in no hurry.  ~ Robert Benchley



I exercise very extreme self-control.  I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.  ~ W.C. Fields



A friend of mine stopped smoking, overeating, chasing woman, and even drinking ….  all at the same time.  It was a lovely funeral.  ~ Anonymous



It’s better to have a drink in hand than gas in the tank.  ~ Anonymous